Today, my littlest man turns 5.
How in the world?! It seems like only yesterday we were celebrating his fourth birthday. It’s bewildering to think back on this last year and see where we are today. I keep asking myself: how did we get here? who would have thought? how do we preserve it?
I don’t know the answer. I walked this journey and I’m still in awe of it and words can’t describe it. I’m a perfectionist and for years I’ve tried to connect a meaning to everything and anything under the sun. I struggle to pause and reflect in the journey, my eyes and energy always focused on what’s next. Keep moving. You can rest when you’re dead. Time is running out. Life is short. Pack it all in, just in case. Move. Move. Hustle.
I’m sitting in an old leather love seat looking out the window of an even older farmhouse and I feel winter all around me. Laptop in my lap, birthday boy at my feet, and a cup of Mexican coffee warming my hip. I can feel it. It’s a new season for us, and I don’t mean winter. I mean, it’s winter here in Charlotte, Vermont, but the season I am referring to is the seasons of our lives. My body wants to do something. Be active. But I can’t pry myself from this view. From this season of stillness.
Can I be completely honest? I feel pangs of guilt. I feel guilty because I’m enjoying and savoring these moments. I think of all the things I could be doing. I could be out shopping for a tree. I could be unpacking boxes. I could be balancing my accounts. If I’m distracted enough, I can convince myself that this is being lazy.
There is so much I could be doing. But this is just where I feel He wants me to be. I don’t understand it, and I’m trying to be ok with that because I feel His hands all over this season. And isn’t it a beautiful thing to see? To feel? I’d miss this if I was busy trying to understand it. If I had been hustling.
Be still long enough to listen to that quiet whisper. He knows what you need more than you do. Have faith. Trust.
Happy Birthday my sweet sweet boy!
It’s been a long while since I posted. To say life has ben crazy, beautiful, busy in an understatement. In the last 5 weeks, we have mourned the illness and death Uncle Spence, said goodbye to our precious foster daughters, helped Mimi through a fall and a subsequent surgery and rehabilitation, packed our home, put in on the market because this week, we move to Vermont!
I still can’t believe this journey we are on. We’re so tired. The kinda tired that even sleep cannot cure. I think our souls are tired. Overwhelmed. We yearn for stillness.
I’ve been on this two year journey to live on purpose and with intention ever since reading Lara Casey’s book, Make It Happen. This past year I started reading her newest book, Cultivate as well as Love Does by Bob Goff. Wonderful, life-changing reads – I highly recommend all three reads.
I was rereading highlighted portions of Make It Happen and came across the part she writes about radical, and what it is and what it means.
“Radical literally means very new and different from what is traditional or ordinary”. Lara Casey
Everyone is shocked and surprised that we have decided to move our family East. Some think we’re crazy. Some think we’re brave. Some think we’re stupid. We’ve thought them all too. We have decided to uproot our family and plant them across the country in less than 6 weeks! It’s definitely radical of us. We’re still processing it. But truth be told we haven’t really stopped to think much about it. We know if we do our fear and discomfort will hold is back. So we’re pressing on. We’re just doing it. We’re listening to those quiet nudges in our hearts that say “those precious babies need you now more than ever, simplify, get rid of distractions”.
It’s “the kind of radical that changes everything for the better. That thing that has been set deep in your heart. That thing that scares you. That thing that feels impossible right now. That thing that you know would help you and everyone around you”. Lara Casey
This move is radical indeed.
I don’t know what our future holds. I’m excited. We all are for snow, and adventure, and travel, and land. The excitement will wear off and life will go on and science projects will be due and our children will miss our family and friends. We’re aware things will get hard, we’re just not letting that steal our joy today.
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