We got word this weekend that my husband may not have a job next month. I am not a worrier about important things like this. I worry about meaningless things like if my email was received and if the package will arrive via UPS as scheduled. Those are the things that give me anxiety. Maybe that’s my fight or flight instinct. I had a gut instinct for a while now and I had a light bulb moment when he told me the news. I saw it as a blessing. I thought it was time for him to venture off somehwere else for some time. But he liked where he was and he’s a loyal man. My precious man.
Even so, as I write this my hands shake and my heart breaks in between sobs because I do desperately need prayer. Prayer that I can be the wife that my husband needs me to be because he is worried. And his sense of self is being challenged. Because this blessing is disguised as failure on his part. And that thought just kills me. That is when I want to lose it. The thought of my man thinking he is anything less shakes me to my core. But my challenge is knowing what to say, or what to do. I find myself paralyzed. I am so afraid to accidentally validate or not validate what he is going through. What he is feeling. He’s actually opening up to me about work and I don’t want him to close up. He’s worried to talk to me considering “my condition”. (I’m just pregnant but somehow it has elevated to a condition these last few days. Silly but I dare not say so! It may also be he fears I will slip into a depression-an old family friend.)
I just want to assure you that we will be fine. I have a plan for us but instinct (or heart) tells me I won’t be needing it because His is better. We are blessed in that we have a family that is willing and able to provide the emotional and financial support we need if things go south but we hope we are able to stand on our own two feet. Well, we’d like that at least.
So I am asking for prayer for myself to be able to be the comfort and support he needs right now. And a prayer for my husband to be filled with the same peace about this that I am filled with. Or that he finds another job. Or that I find a job:,(
I’d also like to ask for your discretion in this. That it be between just us. I don’t want my husband to know that I am reaching out on his behalf because I don’t think that will help him in any way get though this easier.