It seems lately that Cole has really started to not like school. He might have mentioned it more than 3 times this morning that he specifically does not like school and he doens’t want to go. I can’t help but wonder what might have happened that would make him not like school anymore. I thought maybe the kids made fun of him – but then he’s barely 3 and that’s not likely. The only thing I could think of was that a few weeks back he got in trouble in class and went into time out for jumping off a table. And rightfully so. We followed up on the discipline at home too with another time out. Maybe for a 3 year old that’s pretty traumatic? I don’t know, I’m 30, and time outs are traumatic for me still. Not that I ever get put into time out but when I feel timed-out, I feel pretty lousy.
I have this anxiety about school. School for Cole. I HATED school. So I am kinda freakin’ out. He cries when I leave him. Then he’s fine 2 seconds later but I just can’t help feel wrong about something.
He was telling me on the drive to school this morning that he didn’t like school, he didn’t want to go. So I told him that when we got home I would play with him. His face lit up. Then he asked if I would play cars with him. His ultimate joy, and all he wanted was for me to enjoy it with him, or to enjoy him. This, in this time of prioritization, should be top priority. I am making an effort to play with him more, to enjoy him more, but still, it just feels like I am being present. And it took an email to make me see that being present is different from being engaged. And he’s 3 but he knows that even though Mommy is there, she’s not really all there.
So today I will try to sit on the floor with my toddler, and play cars and build roads till his little heart just can’t take it anymore. But then I’ve been there before and my boy is hard core, so maybe Ill have to put a time limit on it afterall:(
If you’re at all interested in the email, you’ll find it below:
The other night my boys and I were sitting down to dinner as my husband entered the room. My three-year-old looked up and said, “Daddy, come enjoy us!”
I love puns, but this one stood out to me because it revealed the heart of my child.
I often miss out on enjoying my children as I herd them from one errand to another. Most of the time I join them but don’t enjoy them. Why aren’t those words synonyms for me as a mom?
Maybe it’s because no matter what I get done, there’s always more to do; more that I think I should have done; more that I think I should be. And there’s guilt over all that I have yet to do. That’s how it happens – my kids become roadblocks.
But when I stop keeping-up-with-the-Joneses and trying to be like June Cleaver, and I really look at my kids, I see their desire for me to enjoy them – to delight in them. It’s then that I ask myself if my agenda is really that important, and if the floor is really too dirty.
Lord, you delight in your children. You quiet them with your love and rejoice over them with singing. Give me your perspective. Help me to enjoy the gift that my kids are.