I have issues,…milk issues. These issues run so deep I don’t even know the root of them. All I know is that I have to breastfeed. Perhaps I fear that it is all I have to offer that is natural, or that this may be the strongest bond I’ll ever have with my new baby, or maybe I put all of my fear of failure into this. I don’t know. I can’t even begin to comprehend it, so I don’t even try. I just embrace it.
I had some issues with production with Cole. At least I think I did. I am starting to rethink all of that this time around. Perhaps I was a little uptight back then, with Baby #1. I actually used to take a medication called Motillium that I had to go into Mexico for. It was expensive too. More expensive than formula feeding in fact.
This time around, I am a breastfeeding champ. That’s right. I said it. My milk produciton is in overdrive. In fact, Ellie is growing about 51 grams a day as compared to the average 30! Yes,…at her 1 week check up she was where the pediatrician might have expected her to be the following week. He said my milk was gold.
But I work hard, very hard to keep it that way. I have yet to give Ellie a bottle. And when I am not breastfeeding, you may or may not find me pumping. And I don’t pump with the intention of ever feeding it to her, I pump to stay ahead of the game. I have this fear of my milk production not being able to keep up with my growing baby. So I pump every chance I get. And if you ring my doorbell, you may or may not find me in this condition:
You may not want to stop by unexpectedly for a few months:)