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I will still love you Lord!

So has anyone seen the movie, Facing the Giants? Mom brought it home one day as part of her assignment. She needed to write a paper and asked for my help. I hate school stuff. Been there, done that, don’t want to go back. Then, to top it off, it’s a footbal movie….serious eye rolling action going on now….

But, I had to help her. So I watched it. And I LOVED it! That was some time ago.

It’s about a football coach at a local high school whose team has never won a football game. He and his wife are struggling financlially, they are struggling with infertility, and he is struggling to keep his job. The one thing that he does not struggle with, is his faith.

One day he goes out into a field and he reads his Bible and prays. His wife comes out and he asks her: “If the Lord never gives us children, will you still love Him?”

Then, he goes to school and he tells his players:
“I want God to bless this team so much people will talk about what He did. But it means we gotta give Him our best in every area. And if we win, we praise Him. And if we lose, we praise Him. Either way we honor Him with our actions and our attitudes. So I’m askin’ you… What are you living for? I resolve to give God everything I’ve got, then I’ll leave the results up to Him. I want to know if you’ll join me.”

So these young players start beleiving and they start winnning. His wife still does not get pregnant. One day, she calls a friend embarrased that she feels pregnant but is hesitatnt to go into the Drs. because her pregnancy tests are always negative. She finally decides to go in and they test her. The nurse comes in and gives her the negative results. She walks out to her car, and cries and then says “I will still love you Lord.”

Meanwhile, back in the Drs. office, the Nurse realizes that a mistake has been made. She runs out to the parking lot and gives the news to his wife (Brooke Taylor).

Now, back to my real life,….I am pregnant again. Almost six weeks. Feeling fantastic. It’s supposed to be a secret until we knew everything was going great. Until we saw a sac or heard a heartbeat. Went to Drs. this morning and he didn’t like the progress that has been made. He should have seen more. So more blood tests. Another appointment next week and a veeery loong weekend ahead of me. Waiting. and Wondering. Just like last time. Exaclty 2 months ago.

But I have faith right? And my faith is stronger than his ultrasound machine. But still….on the long drive home, I started to think. In my head. And we know that that is never a good thing. And I started thinking about the difference between having faith and being realistic. Which got me down. I was in a funk. I pulled into the garage, shut the door and I felt paralyzed. All I wanted to do was cry. So I did. In my garage. But only briefly because I live in Texas and it’s freakin’ hot. Then I thought “I will still love you Lord!”

And so were off to the beach tonight with some dear friends and their 4 kids! For 3 days! I am hoping for some major chaos because I need this weekend to help me keep my mind off of tests, and results, and appointments.

And to keep reminding myself to praise Him,…no matter what.

Disclaimer: Hubs gave me strict instructions to keep the news under wraps. And technically, I am. I am not telling anyone. Not directly at least. So if nobody reads my blog (and I don’t think anybody does), nobody knows. Right? Right?

4 Comments

  1. Vanessa. You always blow me away when I read your blog. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I am pretty sure we provided some chaos for youbthis weekend, But I am not too sure how much it helped. Please know you are loved not only by me and other mere earthlings but by God. We don’t know where His path may lead. But know you never walk it alone. God walks it with you.

    Ilene

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