That is the question. The question of the hour. Of the day. Of the week. Of this extraordinarily long weekend.
I feel like one of those characters in one of those daytime soaps. Where to begin,… the beginning I guess.
I have neglected to blog about Part 2 of the story, how I told Will and mom and everyone we were pregnant. There was a reason I deliberately stayed away from my blog for so long, this time at least. I didn’t know how the story would end and I was afraid to keep telling you how wonderful this pregnancy was when we didn’t even know the viability of it. We still don’t know.
Tuesday, March 10 (11:54 am)
- Positive Pregnancy Test – I love you ClearBlue Digital!!!!
Sunday, March 14 (10:25 pm)
- I was sitting here at my computer blogging about walking on Cloud Nine. I posted the story and later that evening went to the bathroom only to find a smidgen of a trace of blood when I wiped. So immediately, I sent an email out to a few friends. It went something like this: “Just went potty and I am spotting ever so slightly. Please pray for us.”
Monday, March 15 (9:33 am)
- Went to OB/GYN and urine test was positive but very light – they commented that it may be very early still. I was almost at 5 weeks though – not early at all. Hope is lost.
- Dr. decided to pass on vaginal ultrasound to not disturb anything.
- Blood was drawn to check HCG levels – results would not be in until Wednesday.
- Bleeding started full on this evening.
Wednesday, March 17 (8:45 am)
- Went to Drs. appointment to see levels of Monday’s HCG blood draw. They were 79.2. I asked assistant what that meant, she said maybe 1-2 weeks pregnant. ALL hope is lost. I am positive I am miscarrying.
- Second blood draw to compare levels – they should rise at least 66% every 36 hours. Results would not be in until Friday. I schedule an appointment for Friday, think it’s a waste but it’s free, covered under the same pregnancy. So I go ahead and do it.
- I resign to the fact that I will not have a November baby.
- Cole asks if Baby is ok,…I tell Cole Baby is with God. He says he’s very sad and rubs my back then kisses my arm.
- Heavy bleeding still.
- Extremely hopeful for the next few months.
Friday, March 19 (9:30 am)
- I walk into Drs. office and they make me pee in the cup. We have a routine now, Cole and me. He knows what to do too.
- They take my weight. I think I’m getting kinda fat. I’ve gained like 8 pounds in the last 6 months or so,…I’m really little people! 8 pounds is a LOT!
- They move me into the ultrasound room and ask me to undress from the waist down. I’m all like “No, no, no! We are just here to talk with the Dr and get the results.”
- Nurse Practitioner comes in, smiles and says “we need to do a vaginal ultrasound. You’re levels rose 75% like they should”. I’m baffled!
- I tell her the levels are low and she says they mean nothing. All that matters is that they are rising.
- She does the ultrasound and sees nothing, no sac, no thickening of the lining. She loses some hope, I can see it in her face. She’s stumped too. All we can do is draw blood again and find out Monday.
- We draw blood again.
- No longer bleeding, just an occasional spot.
So that’s where we are. Waiting. All weekend long. Teetering on hope and reality. It’s a fine line. I am getting the two confused. I have hope that with Him all things are possible, but I am afraid I am telling myself what I want to hear. The reality is, I am pregnant but how far along or how far lost we’re not sure.
I’ll keep you posted. I will know tomorrow. I will post as soon as I get back to my computer. A quick post. So stay tuned! And thank you for all your emails and comments and chats – I missed a few of you!!!!