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Today

I’m still struggling with sharing our troubles with everyone. Well, it’s not really about sharing them with you, it about burdening you with them. The truth is this blog was supposed to be an outlet for us and the truth about us is that we are again struggling to get pregnant.

I struggle to write because despite our troubles, we are blessed to have Cole and sometimes it feels selfish wanting more. But we do.

I am at the time of the month where my faith is shaken again. Today is Sunday and we always go to lunch with Will’s parents and grandmother. But I just don’t feel like going anywhere today. I want to stay home in bed and cry, and hate, and just try to muster the faith to believe that it will happen. I’d like to pray for the strength to see my pregnant friends and be happy for them without turning green. I’d like to pray, but today I’m mad and who better to be mad at than Him. Today, I am questioning Him, and His existence. Today I am lost.

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